Dear Grandma ~ 婆婆

Ok, so, I only speak Cantonese with my grandma, but I don't know how to type Cantonese, so, this is pretty much all typed in Mandarin. 

Middle

 婆婆我好想你喔 你過的好嗎... 

我想念小時候你帶我逛街 陪我在外面看飛

機 晚上睡覺前講虎姑婆的故事給我聽 教我

唱月光光

和拍大腿[pak dai bei] 

 媽媽罵我打我 把我弄哭了 你總會

叫我"好了好了唔好喊" 

 我想念你煮的[fu juk糖水]...而且每次有好東西吃都一定會給我比較多 妹妹都給比較少 

你從小把我帶大 小的時候我看卡通你也會陪我一邊看一邊餵我 

你真的很寵我...現在沒人會像你寵我愛我了 

 當年你看著我進高中 卻沒辦法看我畢業 

高中第一年事就發生了 我記得去醫院看你 已經聽說狀況不好 真的好怕失去你 看到你的時候

就很想哭 但媽媽說如果哭了會讓婆婆覺得她好不起來 所以我想辦法忍住 你又不能說話 我握

住你的手...我還記得握住你的手的感 覺 你的手輕輕得...I want to say you gently squeezed my 

hand... 

 誰知 那就是最後一次 

 過幾天上課的時候 媽媽來了學校接我 說婆婆已經去世了 

我的心不知道從多高摔了下來 走在走廊上忍住眼淚 不想讓人看到 坐在車裡就開始哭了 

到了醫院 看到你已不動的身體 我更放聲大哭 

 在場 舅舅 媽媽 妹妹 都在哭 你是在半夜過世的 媽媽都是在醫院裡過夜的 可是那晚她卻回了

家 你一生經歷了許多事 不跟別人計較 又不小氣 對我們都是不自私的愛 

 為什麼 為什麼 為什麼 !!! 為什麼老天要讓你一個人寂寞的走呢?! 

 你是在睡眠中走的嗎? 還是你知道時間快到了所以醒著呢? 你心裡面想什麼?　想跟我們說什

麼？有沒完成的心願嗎? 

 對不起沒人在你身邊 對不起你要在陌生的醫院房裡完成你快九十年的人生 

 從中國逃到台灣 生了五個小孩 丈夫做了對不起你的事 所以你帶著小孩離開 一個人把他們帶

大 你還白髮人送黑髮人 


 你的人生真的好辛苦 但你真的很偉
大 我想跟你一樣 不小氣 擁有不自私的愛 

 有好多話想講 打了那麼多字 一直
哭 想告訴自己"唔好喊" 因為你看到我哭一定會跟我說那句話 

 就到這裡吧 夢裡見了...

Hidden Feelings

How do you choose when to confess to someone...
What are you most afraid to hear? 
Will it destroy the friendship? 
I'm afraid, so afraid. 
And it hurts every single day. 
But when I talk to them I pretend everything is okay. 
I don't want to bring up old memories for them, or put them in a dilemma. 
We've never been official, but the feelings were still there. 
The thing is, you chose to take a step back to friendship. 
It hurt me so much, but if it meant you living with one less burden, I was willing to go with it. 
But now, even as friends, I feel as though we're drifting apart. 
I try to maintain this old friendship, but again, it hurts. 
You don't come find me to talk much anymore... 
Having to wait hours for a mere response of a few words... 
It's getting tiring. 
What happens if I tell you it hurts? That I still like you, even after you broke my heart? 
Will you tell me to just go? Leave? Talk to me even less? 
I'm afraid that someone else will take you...even though you're not really mine anymore. 
So scared that it will be too late. Or is it already too late? 
It pains me that I'd do so much for you, but you probably won't do the same for me. 
But I don't know. It's just what my heart says. 
Why do we like to do that? Love someone who doesn't seem like they'll return our feelings? 
Love someone who might not give us a chance? 
What I wonder is, how much will you miss me once I'm gone... 
I always told you I'm always online...you never had to look far...
I was always here when you needed me...have I been used up...?

SunnyPurpleRaindrops

Yay, happiness! :) 

How did I come up with "sunnypurpleraindrops" as my link name? Well, at first, I was trying to make a link name that had something to do with cows...'cause I love cows, yah?! Everything I tried was taken. So, I dug deeper into that creative mind of mine. (This is coming from a mind that came up with "lifeisdisgusting" as a link name before.) I take "sunny" as the happy side of me. It doesn't take much to make me happy. Just one person or a simple event to amuse me can make my day. Here's an example...I was so hungry after work, and wanted to buy some food to munch on. Problem was, I only had a $100 bill in my wallet, and I didn't feel like breaking it down. Then I come across some cake on sale for 99 cents...score! Did I have 99 cents in change? I stand there in the bakery section counting out my change. Hallelujah! I had 99 cents! Oh, happy day o(^_^)o ! 

"Raindrops" would symbolize the lonely and sad side of me. Something about rain always makes my mood drop a bit. It's associated with old painful memories. Just like how I can be happy real easily, I can go into a depressing mood real easily too. I think there's a bit of bipolar-ism in me...Again, it's as simple as a person, something that's said, or a simple event, that can make my mood flip. I think it triggers memories and pain my mind suppresses on a daily basis, and those hurtful times wash over me. During these times, it's hard to even say what exactly is making me sad. I constantly wish for a companion; someone to talk to and share our lives together. Sometimes, I wish I had a dog. For most parts, a dog is loyal, and will love me as long as I love back. Doesn't work that way with people, does it. 

As for the "purple" part...that part is random ;) I read a poem 
once, called "The Purple Cow". What kind of milk would a purple cow give? There's strawberry milk...(pink cow)...banana milk...(yellow cow)...so grape milk...purple cow...? Doesn't sound very tasty...but never know! So now...what exactly do sunny purple raindrops look like? That is up to your imagination :) 

Those Days...

They'll accompany you no matter what...

Those days when you just feel super down. 
Those days when something seems wrong, yet you can't place what is wrong. 
Those days when you just want to hold or be held by someone. 
But you have no one. 
So a stuffed animal will have to do. 

Those days when you hope for someone to share the small moments in your life with. 
Those days when your life is a big heavy sigh. 
Those days when you remember every single time you've been hurt. 
The things that were said. 
That teared you apart. 
Those days when you're so tired of things around you. 
Those days when you just want to sit and stare blankly at nothing. 


Those days when you just want to disappear, and see who notices. 
Who would miss you? 

By yourself, gazing upon surroundings...

Who would try to search for you? 
Those days when you just want to bury yourself underneath the covers and cry. 
Those days when everything is just painful. 
Those days when you just want to give up on things and on people. 
But something keeps you going. 
Hope. Believe. Dream. 
And maybe, what we wish for will one day come true.